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The Wonderful World of (Online) Dating in Your Thirties

“A long, long time ago, I can still remember when there was no such thing as the internet or online dating”. One would venture out on a Friday or Saturday night (sometimes both) with friends, perhaps have a few drinks, a dance and then maybe you might meet an eligible suitor, and if you’re lucky, exchange phone numbers. Fast forward and things are a lot different. Life is busy so it is easy to find yourself spending hours upon hours swiping left or right, finally matching with someone who can say more than “Hey” as their opening line to find that they disappear after a few messages back and forth never to be heard of again. With my working hours as they are, there seems to be little point in finding myself a pen pal and would much prefer to have a face to face conversation to see if there is any spark. What I find reprehensible is the way that people (and in this instance, men) message you on these apps. I was so shocked once that I made the point of saying to the particular man I was talking to at the time, that if we had met out at a pub or something, would he actually say these things to my face? The quick response was that of sheer embarrassment and prophetic apologies ensued.

So, to this end, I thought I would provide some handy tips regarding online dating in 2019 and how to present yourself on your profile and interacting with potential dates. Let’s be honest, you may roll your eyes and groan but thanks to experience, felt it was necessary to share.

If you’re a guy:

Make sure that we can actually see your face on your profile. The number of times that I have scrolled through photos and they all have the guy wearing sunglasses, I basically disregard them straight away.
Group photos as every single photo are frustrating. We have no idea what you actually look like. I get it, unlike the female Instagram generation who have a million selfies or solo shots, guys generally don’t take those photos. However, there is a way around it. Perhaps put some emojis over the faces of your mates so that we can figure out who you are!
In this day and age, there are updates to apps constantly and some give the opportunity to add more information. So, it pays every now and then to update your profile particularly in the “What are you looking for” section so that we don’t waste the precious time of both parties doing the ground work only to find you want two completely different outcomes.
When you start a conversation, and perhaps if you’re the shy and quiet type, show that you’ve read the profile and ask a question about it. We love that!
If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it!

And for the ladies:

Yes we all love filters and to be honest if I could have a constant filter on my face for at least 10 hours of the day, that would be great! However, we know they aren’t a true representation of our appearance and sometimes hide our best features. You’d be surprised, the parts of ourselves that we may dislike the most, someone else may like. Well, that’s been my experience so far. So, put up a natural looking pic in the mix, it may pay dividends.
Think of these profiles like speed dating, therefore no lengthy descriptions because no one is going to want to read them, so try and keep it short and sweet.
Don’t let anyone speak to you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, delete that shit and move on! There is someone out there that will treat you with respect, make you laugh and give you those butterflies that we all desire.
If you plan to meet up with someone, make sure it’s something that you’re comfortable with. A day date is perfect when you’re not sure and particularly if you are new to online dating. No doubt, you’ve been messaging your friends about the whole process (if you’re anything like me!), so make sure you let someone know where you’re going etc just to be safe.
Yep and finally, just like I wrote for the lads, the same applies to the ladies. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it!

I’ll be honest with you, my last boyfriend was via online dating and it was actually really easy. We had chatted beforehand so we had the added bonus of knowing a bit about each other before we met, which I think is one of the perks! Don’t be ashamed to say you met online, it’s the social norm these days.

Good luck everyone and happy fishing/buzzing/swiping and if it doesn’t work out, keep persisting. I think the best thing that I have found with this online process is that it helps narrow down what I am actually looking for in a perspective partner so will definitely know when I’ve found my true match!

Remember, you’re worth it!

Luce x

Image courtesy of https://www.cnet.com/pictures/best-dating-apps/

Winter has certainly announced itself!

Okay, so a couple of days ago I bit the bullet and actually published my first post. Hard to believe that I wrote that six months ago in January. Ah January, when it was summer, daylight savings was in full swing and it was warm. Fast forward six months and I find myself walking to work and it’s -3 and all I could think of was my upcoming annual leave which includes a beach trip.

A few things have happened since January. I guess for starters the weight loss thing has been great. The program I have been doing has definitely done its job and while it certainly has had its challenges, I’ve been able to reap the rewards. I don’t want to ramble on and on about how much weight I have lost as everyone is generally the first to make comments on the physical changes but not much is said about the mental changes that can occur or more surprisingly that haven’t.

I recently posted a photo with a recent transformation photo (see below). The comments were overwhelming and it was amazing how many people had actually been following this little weight loss mission who perhaps I didn’t think really paid attention. There were lots of comments about how different I must feel etc, but to be honest, I don’t feel like I’ve changed that much. Has my fitness improved? Yes, it certainly has. Has my clothing size changed? Yes. However, when I look back at the photo on the left to the one on the right, it’s actually hard to say whether or not my mindset has also taken that giant step. I have been reassured that maybe that will all happen when I reach my first goal weight (~4kg away), so in the meantime be sure to watch this space as I’m sure there are numerous musings that shall come to fruition in the meantime.

Luce x

2017…

Procrastination is certainly one of my largest faults. I did it through high school, university (though always getting all the important tasks done) and more recently I was in the contemplative phase of writing this blog. A friend had actually suggested it to me two years ago when I was considering writing a novel, but procrastination won out again.

Reflecting on my life, I have made the assumption that there are probably quite a few people out there who, like me, have on occasion thought, what the hell am I doing with my life? I’m currently in my thirties and this is certainly not what I would have predicted ten years ago. I think what has most surprised me are my ever growing list of pet peeves that I am pretty sure I would not have in my twenties. Therefore “Factors of 30” seemed like quite an apt name for this blog.

So, what’s on my agenda for 2017? For starters, I’m about to embark on a major lifestyle adjustment, with the view to lose weight. I refuse to use the word journey because, to me, that indicates that there is an end destination, whereas I believe that this is creating habits that will set me up for the rest of my life.

In your twenties, it was quite an easy process, with minimal thought being required when wishing to undertake a lifestyle change. Once in your thirties, however, I’m surprised at how much mental preparation is necessary. From the time I decided to give myself the ass kicking that it truly needed, I had to wrap my head around the effort that goes into meal preparation as opposed to standing in front of the fridge and grabbing whatever jumps out at me. While also having to take into account how hard it will be considering my line of work (nurse in an emergency department), it has been quite a process.

And so it begins. I had to have my photo taken as well as my measurements and while that wasn’t the part that put salt in the wound, finding out that my body age currently sits at 57 was certainly a wake up call that I needed. I know this is not going to be a simple process but I’m ready to give it a red-hot crack and hopefully achieve the results I desire.

Until next time,

Luce x